Whether you’re Brown, White, Black, Yellow or Purple – you will probably be asked this question at one point in time before you’re 35.
WHY JU NOT MARRIED? WHY HAVEN’T YOU FOUND A BOY? WHY DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? WHY YOU DATING HIM? WHY AREN’T YOU DATING HIM? ……help.
These questions often lead me to ask this: Why do you want me to get married so badly?
Lets go back in time….
Remember the story of Jodhaa-Akbar? If not, then go watch my #mcm, Hrithik Roshan, depict him in the Bollywood timepiece. Johdha Akbar (It’s 3 hours long, be warned)
Muhammad Akbar was a Mughal emperor who wanted nothing more than to expand his large empire. The only way for him to do so was to marry the Rajput Princess, Jodhaa Bai, and form a strong, strategic alliance. Soon after their marriage, Akbar had to defend his decision and his wife. Both parties soon felt an appreciation for each other and the story goes on (it’s not as smooth sailing as that, but you have to watch the movie to find out the rest.)
Marriage was nothing more than a means of forming an alliance. There was no love, fireworks and a yearning to never be without that individual. Marriage was about ensuring that your mother and father were supported, that you carried on the family name and that you produced children that could do the same two decades later. The checklist was also a lot simpler:
- Are they from a good family?
- Are they –
Nope, thats about it really! It’s a lot easier to ‘lock him down’ when the only requirement is that they’re not related to Charles Manson.
….Lets fast forward
How many tinder dates have you been on where your date hit everything on your mental checklist prior to the date, and then you never go on another date with them?
Here are some possible reasons why:
- They didn’t give you butterflies in your stomach.
- They didn’t open the door for you and the 5 people behind you.
- They chew weird.
- They didn’t kiss you after the date.
- They kissed you after the date.
- They wore plaid.
- They don’t drink.
- They live too far from you.
- They don’t like J Cole.
- They just weren’t the one.
You get the picture, right? Nowadays if that person doesn’t blow your mind and you’re both not 100% obsessed with each other then it’s never going to work and that person doesn’t even warrant a second encounter.
There are so many more factors that weigh into whether someone is worth marrying, it isn’t just if they come from a good family or not anymore.
So, Why ju not married?
It’s all coming back full circle.
I’ve spent the past decade trying to help my parents understand that marriage is probably bottom of my list in terms of priorities. Luckily, I have smart, understanding parents who didn’t bring out the plastic bata chappal (a plastic sandal that also acts as a slapping device for most Indian parents) to teach me a lesson on being a good Punjabi girl.
The fact of the matter is, i’m not not married because i’m against it. Nor am I not not married because i’m not dating someone. Marriage just isn’t as big of a game changer as it used to be. Generations after generations have been getting married to better their lives, to move onto the next stage and to gain some independence from their parents. But, i’m kind of already doing that? I moved out of my parents house, I earn my own money, I’m gunning for own goals and ambitions and I’m doing those things without a ring on my finger.
Aunties and Uncles everywhere are shaking their heads in pure disappointment, but don’t worry aunty there is hope! We’re all products of our environment and seeing most people in my family get married, settle down and pop out some kiddies makes me definitely want to….one day, when i’ve accomplished all the badass things I want to on my own first.
4 thoughts on “WHY JU NOT MARRIED?”
Hi there. This is such an insightful piece on marriage and it’s perspective taken by the younger generation and their parents. It is more prevelant in the brown community than others. I absolutely hear ya completely on each and everything you said. Coz I am at a point where everybody around me is hell bent on getting me married asap. Whereas I want to date and explore while also working on my life goals. The brown parents have lived simpler lives. But not as simple as we are living. Lol.
You have a way with words and put your experiences down beautifully and in a relatable way.
That bata chappal reference tho 😂
At least I got something from DilMil LOL
Wait what? you watched Jodha Akbar?
And how can someone not be a J.cole fan (It’s only possible if they never heard him). Not easy for anyone to go platinum independentely.
Well, it was a nice blog. You could have mentioned how all the aunties want to set you up with their nephews or nieces.
Haha I think it’s a given that aunties always want to set me up with nephews lol